Introduction
The State of Things is a monthly blog post where I talk about how my life is going partially through a business lens and partially through a whatever the hell I want lens.
The purpose of this series is to keep myself accountable on my journey toward financial independence by making a steady stream of income outside of my day job. These blog posts have the same goal - accountability. My last post in this series was The State of Things #3 | New passions & a new house.
Table of Contents
Introduction Concept 1: When you shouldn’t listen to your parents’ advice The backstory.The moral of the storyAsideWhere can I get the advice I need?Takeaways Concept 1.5: When will I be happy? Happiness is not a destination, it is a journey. Choose to be an optimistBe like water. Since the last The State-of-ThingsTasksLast TimeNext UpReferences
Concept 1: When you shouldn’t listen to your parents’ advice
TL;DR: Don’t listen to advice from people who aren’t living the life you want to live. (Even if, and especially if, they are your parents.)
The purpose of this blog section is twofold. First, I’m going to tell you about one of the biggest lifelong mistakes I made starting from when I was a child - listening to advice from people who weren’t living the advice they gave. And then two, I’ll tell you what I should have done instead of my mistake. From when I was 11 years old up to when I turned 22 I listened to my parents’ advice on how to achieve happiness, even though neither of them were happy people themselves.
The backstory.
So I grew up as a goody two shoes kid with a small network of adults in my life. I didn’t have any role models outside of my parents and my teachers at public school. No aunts or uncles, community, sports, or church leaders - just me, my mom, my dad, and my one teacher that I had in grade school at the time.
I grew up as a sad and lonely kid. Despite the clothes on my body and the roof over my head - I struggled to find even the smallest ray of happiness in my mundane life. There was nothing I wanted more than to be happy, so, naturally, I went to my parents for advice.
I asked them: “Mom, Dad - how can I be happy?” The answer was always this: “Work hard and happiness will come to you in its own time.” So I did. I worked my ass off. Start I worked hard throughout middle school and when I got to high school I asked them the same thing: “Mom, Dad I’m still not happy - when will happiness come?” And they said the same thing: “Work hard and happiness will come to you.” “You will have time to be happy once you’ve gotten into college” or “You will have time to be happy once you’ve gotten a stable job.”
And you know what - I believed them in a strange and twisted way. I found a way to justify their advice in my head. I though - maybe living here in their house is making me miserable (and it was), and so when I go to college and live on my own, then I’ll finally be happy. And guess what? I got into a good college, I became and adult, and I got a good job, and I still wasn’t happy. I’d go so far as to say I was even more miserable before.
Never once did I stop to think - are the people I’m asking this question living a life of happiness? Are the people I am looking to for advice living the life that I want to live? (Are they living the life they want to live?) And in all cases, the answer was no.
The moral of the story
So here is the moral of the story: don’t listen to advice from people who aren’t living the life you want to live. Even if, and especially if they are your parents. Go to different outside sources for advice (more explained below). The internet is full of great resources, roll models, books, articles, documentaries, and interviews for people who have “made it” - whatever their definition to success. Find and seek out advice from true experts, not just the people in your immediate or extended family. Some of the best advice you can get will come from asking people - total strangers at times - who have just undergone what you are about to do about their experience, struggles, and what they learned on their journey. Don’t listen to advice from people who haven’t experienced what you are about to undergo firsthand.
In my example, I took my miserable self and asked my miserable parents how to be happy. They gave me their answer as parents so, and I blindly followed their advice. My parents did not know what happiness was. And although they were well intentioned in guiding me towards their definition of a happy life was, in hindsight I should have only sought advice from happy people whose life I also wanted to live.
Lets look at another example. Say your parents are great carpenters but they have an incredibly rocky marriage that regularly destroys you and your siblings. Sure - go to them advice about how to make a chair - because they are living a life where they are great at their carpentry craft. BUT when you have questions about how to communicate or resolve conflict with your marriage partner, don’t take the advice they give you as gospel. While you can still listen to your parents and respect them, take what they say with a huge grain of salt AND seek the advice of people both inside and outside of your culture/community/circle/creed who have a steady marriage behind closed doors.
Aside
Now that I’m writing all of this advice out - its seems super obvious. ‘DOn’T LiStEn tO the advice of pEoPLe wHo DoN’t kNoW wHaT tHe HeLL tHey’Re tAlkInG AbOut” - like yes, duh.
Here’s a more sneaky example:
- TO WRITE: Business books and courses for people whose business it is to sell business books and courses. What they have to say won’t help for shit for your small business. Learn from people who are also in the business you are in. These people will be harder to find because they aren’t marketing themselves towards you as sources of knowledge - but when you ask them the right questions, you will learn much more than you would with a standard beginners video course.
Where can I get the advice I need?
First hand sources are your best friend - real life human beings who are living the life you want to live. If you are shy, live in a remote area, or hell, just don’t know where to start - books are your seconds best friend. Second and third place go to YouTube courses and IRL classes.
The reason I like books better than free content like social media, etc. Is that with a book, you have already bought the content they are selling you. Take a free YouTube video for example, a business YouTuber is not making a living off of just making YouTube videos. YT is an avenue for them to reach a wider audience to sell whatever their actual end product it - merch, a course, etc.
Takeaways
- Read/listen to multiple sources on the answers to your philosophical questions
- The times are always changing, you will need to take control of your own journey at times. There is not perfect formula or path for you to find follow to find what you seek (happiness, money, belonging etc.)
- Look for inspiration in unlikely places
Concept 1.5: When will I be happy?
I didn’t fell right just leaving the solution one of my life’s deepest problems out of this article. While I’m no expert on happiness - here are some positive lessons I learned on the topic “when will I finally be happy?” throughout my life. I’m excited to say that, yes, I would consider myself a happy person so I hope this advice can help you even just a little to bring happiness back into your daily life.
Happiness is not a destination, it is a journey.
This lesson was a hard pill for me to swallow. You will not be happy “once you have achieved X goal” or “when you have X product” or when “you finally have X relationship (ex. a boyfriend, wife, partner, child, pet, etc.). There will always be challenges that you have to face in life. There will always be more work that needs to get done. There is no path to happiness, happiness is the path. Choose to find little sparks of joy wherever you can, everyday and in everything you do (and I know that this can sound condescending to some) - but trust me this shit works.
Choose to be an optimist
Actively choose to look on the bright side. Obviously, happiness is not always a choice for us. But when you’re given the chance to interpret a situation in a positive or negative way, always, always chose the positive direction. Fuck being “cool” or a “realist”. For my chronic “realists” and “pessimists” - just because you call yourself a “realist”, doesn’t mean that you actually look at things realistically. (No matter how #smart or #special you think you are… take it from me… I used to be the exact same way 💀). “realists” and “pessimists” are only self assigned titles. There are multiple scientific studies showing how self-proclaimed “optimists” are better judges of other people than self-proclaimed “realists”. “Realists” are just pessimists in disguise.
Studies:
- Why titled optimists are better judges of people than self proclaimed “realists”
- Positivity and perception
Here is how positivity influences perception…
Be like water.
Gonna rapid fire off some of these points… this article has gotten way too long already lol.
- “Like water flowing off of a duck’s back”. Let negative comments and vibes bounce off of you.
- Choose to be the water instead of the rock. Do not let insults hardship ruin you and run you down, instead let it flow around you like water.
- In other words: Don’t take anything personally. EVER.
- Forgive and forget.
- Cut poisonous people out of your life.
- Don’t do things with the expectation that they will return the favor. Which can also mean: don’t keep score.
Since the last The State-of-Things
Jul 4, 2023 → Aug 29, 2023 (8 weeks)
🪶 6 new blog posts Nicole’s Website (heliablog.com)
👯 3 new friend(s)
💵 $0 made (outside my day job)
💥 0 new comic chapters arq's practice grounds | WEBTOON (webtoons.com)
📝 2000 words written (creative writing)
Tasks
Last Time
Write 1 short story with a start and an end
Sort out moving into the new house
Fix the social images so I feel more confident to post (LOL T_T)
Next Up
Try using substack to host my blog instead - so it can get some search engine traffic
Start using tumblr again
Make 1 short form video